The Shunting Yard

"I am the Fat Controller!" Bellow out your new moniker as you move the lady-train in front of you around your mock rail yard.

Start in the bedroom, take her past the sala, by the kitchen, and out to the patio or backyard.

Clasp your arms around her midriff and keep your thighs pressed against her buttocks.

Feel free to use your roaming digits to stoke her engine; just make sure to mutter chug-a-chug-a-chug noises and yell "All aboard" before coming on her caboose.